It’s been a while, my wild child. I guess I was searching for something that was there all the time– it happens with physical items; my phone in my pocket is a classic example so why wouldn’t that happen with the intangible? So, here’s some of the story so far: people keep saying to me that I am an influencer, but for some reason, this just does not bode well with me. Ps. There’s only one way to my heart – tell me that I am clever, and we will probably be friends forever.
The truth is that we are constantly bombarded with this influence of affluence – people on fancy holiday’s, with fancy faces wearing fancy brands usually drinking fancy coffee! Believe me I get it. I worked as an accountant on global brands – numbers talk, and brands usually sell when they are represented by inspirational people (i.e. Influencers). You’re just a consumer to big brands , pure and simple – the more you eat, the more you buy the more money they make. The bottom line is all that counts – so the cheaper & faster it is made the bigger the profit. This, of course, makes financial sense but it is not me and not my brand. I am so sorry to say that true creativity can never be influenced by commercial intent. I don’t ever want you to feel like you need to look, dress, eat or even live a certain way. There is no one way – it must be your way and along your rules. The same applies to me and everything I do, I do aspire to inspire you to figure out that which works for you, to figure out who you are rather than be influenced to be someone else. Some pretty amazing stuff has happened to me and when the time is right it will happen for you, too.
Okay so back to the story – I just finished filming a film (Aliyah) – yip you heard right. I’ve journeyed from finance, to fashion, to food and now to film! First stint as an actress was incredibly emotional and terribly unglamorous – a story which embodied patriarchy, motherhood and stifled dreams. The cherry on the top was that I had to wear glasses, and caked on copious amounts of make-up so that I had the wrinkled face of a 60 year old.
I cry in the movie and those tears were real – it made question myself as a mother doing what I think is right vs what might be right for my daughter. It made me think critically and reflexively about issues such as a patriarchal society and what it truly means to age gracefully. Deep stuff and the fact that I was the living, breathing version of that Face APP (it's an APP that predicts what you will age like) didn’t help. The wrinkles, the glasses, and dowdy clothes made me feel invisible. It made me consider where I am heading as I approach my 4th decade on earth. Truth be told, I do feel pretty much the same, except for a few creases here and there, a more considered use of concealer and the inevitable arrival of some shiny, grey hairs. So far, I have been pretty chuffed with the “you look great for your age compliments”. Then it hit, maybe it just happens of overnight. Perhaps, one day you wake up, and crap, “I am old happens”. Will if feel invisible and will I opt for comfortable shoes all the time? While playing the 20 year older version of myself with a script based on forgotten dreams, my reality shifted. Suddenly I felt everyone in the room stopped noticing me. And I promised myself – if invisibility is a likely probability, heck its way more important to be heard than seen.
Remember, I am not trying you sell you anything. If anything I discourage unnecessary spending! Be kind, listen, be heard and never stop dreaming.
Clever Raani (and plant a tree – don’t worry green fingers come with age).
LaaniraaniXX
